starting over..

just decided to blog about my current stautus.
not that great of a poet, but at least i got it to rhyme lol...

long time since i remember the true meaning of being happy
there was no such thing as priorities, or stress. i was a normal kid... gladly
as time went on, it flew by so quickly and discreet.
and as i got older, i felt more unhappy and incomplete.
the smiles grew less and the feelings grew stronger,
i couldnt understand or grasp my emotions any longer.
always stressed out over relationships, school, and especially family
tyring to figure out who were my truest friends and who were my enemies.
the insecurities grew, and more mistakes were made...
the memories of when i was happier were starting to slowly fade..
i never realized how grateful i should be..
because i know somewhere out there, someone has it worse than me..
my life remains monotonous, and nothing i've got to show..
but i found that my happiness lies with the friends i love and know..
through the broken hearts and the lies and fights
to the getting in trouble and staying up all those nights..
my stress level goes up when im a prisoner in this house..
cant live up to anything, feeling small as a mouse.
the nostalgic feelings come back to haunt me..
on the laughs, the cries, and sublime stupidity.
they make my life worth while.. im proud to call them my friends,
you guys know who you are.. i dont know what way i can recompense..
a broken heart and a broken family is all that i had left when i was done.
but my friends are like my relationship and family mixed in one.
this is all ive to got for now... im starting over- thats whats left..
im gonna live my life, and put away all my regrets..

boys to men lol

just hangin out, a little shy, and completely platonic.
the first time we met, i was "already hurt"... thats ironic!
i didnt know how to act, it was different that day..
i got so worked up.. i wasnt suposed to meet him anyway!
it was great at first, the long nights. and the weekend
he didnt know how much i valued the time we could spend.
doubt always stood there in the back of my mind
coz last i remember, a guy should be sweet, nice, and kind.
it felt like a job.. and i worked hard for free
at least show some greatitude. i dont recall anything he did for me..
used all my strength to tell him what i meant
but all i got was an "idk" from the texts that i sent.
it really does suck to be in my position
its like me and karma just had a head-on collision..
if he knew how much i cared, and stil ignored my embrace,
then hes really not worth it... he can easily be replaced.
yah i'll miss it
i must admit it..
but if he still dosent get it,
i might as well dead it.
wen im gone, he wont notice
its fine wit me.. il be sad... i wont show it.
i thought i could make it work out
but i should have listened to that doubt.
i wanted something real, not date a boy.
i want a man, that will actually choose his girl over his "toys"..
so when he realizes he'll ask me why?
il be too busy with some other guy....

[11o7o8]

1st day backk...

well, just thought i'd blog aobut my first day back in gay CSI.......not as bad as i thought it would be, but
if i could, i would have chosen to stay in bed...

morning...

was boring.. but i had my XL french vanilla coffee from DD... so it was all good =)
history...... ewww
chinese..... my favorite =) its soo pointles..... poor ms. jiang.. im her worst nightmaree >:D
advisoryy... mr mianoooo! lol susan had some "thurries" lol [theories].....smh. and then she didnt know that we choose majors in "real life.." lololll <3333333

LUNCH, my favorite subject!...... i ate nothing of coursee..

yoga...... was unprepared- for the 2343748653453 time....
journalism.... MY WORST NIGHTMARE. ='(.. me and andrea have a shitload of work for kaplan.
math... not so bad.. i slept through it.
science. last classss =) but boringggg.

1 day down.....

i quit andreas job for her. lol... tht makes 2 unemployed broke little girls lmfaoo
then went to the mall with sam and andrea..
ate tacos [haha] with karmila and kevin [the most brutally honest sonn of a bitch i know lol]

hopped on the bus home.... waited at the transit center for like 30 friggn mins.....

went home. hit the boooks (im doinn good this timee!)
finished early..... waiting for a fone call....my buddy =)
waiting for a text message.... from an asshole... but nothing.. so i decided to blogg..

so yah tht was my day.. uneventful... maybe tomorro will be better..

my '08

well, there comes a time in everyones life,
when they realize what they are,
and how the past made them who they are.
and how the new year will change who they will become.





So much to say about '08....




things I learned?...




> TRUST is something [extremely] valuable..
>FAMILY is *not* something that should be taken for granted...
>LOVE comes in many forms.... but the ;true kind; only exists in movies...
>HAPPINESS never comes /easy/...
>HOPE made me (hold) on longer..
>GOALS are harder to achieve than they seem...
>FRIENDS really do mean so much to me<3...>

>EMOTIONS fly high..not fair to ^mess^ with..

>HEARTACHE made me *strong...

>STRESS made my life more real...

>SECURITY is "no joke"..... but feeling secure is important...

>MEMORIES good and bad will stay with me forever.... chersh them always.

Changes I'll make?

>LAZINESS not an option.... be productive

>PROCRASTINATION works like karma... you gotta deal with it sometime.

>TIME is precious, dont waste it... appreciate what i have now..

> TALENT is a gift, dont take it for granted.... work at it.

>CONFIDENCE will help me succeed... be the best i can be.

>STRENTH to not let anyone get the best of me... im better than that.

>MATURITY so i can make better choices and know my priorities... i finally grew up..

**in the end, its you... only you..
and if everyones alone,
at least were all together in that**